This Is Not A Joke Volume 1

Illustration by Allen B. Thangkhiew

Vaccine Causes Car Accident And Animal Bites

Among the thrombosis of cars that flooded National Highway 69, a group of six people were severely injured after their vehicle collided with a tow truck. The passengers were rushed to The Most Reliable Hospital and were treated for their injuries.

An investigation revealed that all 6 occupants had received the Covid-19 vaccine two hours prior to the accident. Doctor Duckwell Quakers, a well respected doctor at The Most Reliable Hospital stated that he was shocked by the outcome of the vaccine, “How could clinical trials have ignored the imminent side effect of car accidents that accompany the vaccine?”

Similar incidents were reported in different parts of town; 13 people were bitten by animals after they received the jab. A couple broke up as the vaccine sparked emotions in them that were detrimental to their relationship. A man who often solicited the company of sex workers developed gonorrhea after he received the shot. A herpetologist was bitten by her pet snake immediately after she was vaccinated.  Many concerned pet lovers are worried that their own dogs will turn on them; plagued with regret for subscribing to the lies spread by big pharma.

The efficacy of the vaccine is being questioned during these uncertain times.

 

Biden Beats Trump, Again

In a press conference leading upto the Holyfield vs. Belfort boxing match, Former US President Donald Trump made some very interesting comments. What started as a warmup to their commentary for the final day, ended with a matchup between Trump and US President, Joe Biden.

Trump was asked who he would like to meet in the ring. His response, “If I had to box somebody? I think probably my easiest fight would be Joe Biden.”

The American Sloppy Seconds (ASS) organsiation picked up on the fight and decided to feature it on their Saturday Night Pay Per View. The fight was scheduled for the 13th of November, 2021.

The commentators for the match were John Krasinski, Rainn Wilson and Steve Carrell.

Trump, who had boasted of his athleticism and called Biden the p-word on many an occasion was knocked out in the 10th second of the first round. Biden, on the other hand, quiet throughout the pre-match interviews, surprised everyone with the KO.

Biden emerged victorious. His winning remarks, “Well done, come again soon.”

Steve Carell exclaimed, “That’s what she said!”

The crowd erupted in cheers.

 

Indian Comedian Jailed By India For Comedy On India

In a country where most public sector employees shy away from doing their jobs, a comedian has been sentenced to 2 years in jail for doing his.

A comedian of some repute performed a monologue at the Modi Center of Diversity and Equality on the 31st of February 2021, where he listed the pros and cons of the country. He spoke about farmer killings, constant gang rapes, a charity bearing the name of the nation’s supreme leader, petrol price hikes, etc.

The concerned and caring politicians of the ruling coalition who ran over protesting farmers a month ago are now protesting Kaps for running over the country. They stated that the comedian’s views are “a threat to the well being of the country.”

In an unofficial interview with DNTV, the comedian when questioned about his piece and the backlash he has since received, responded, “I love my country, but for a place that’s a joke, they really can’t seem to take a joke.”

 

Straightest Man In The Land Is Refused A Sixth Colonoscopy

A scuffle broke out on Friday evening outside New Horizons Clinic, a high-end medical facility in the busiest part of town. According to many an unverified report, two doctors, three nurses, a tea boy and the night watchman were injured when a gang of saffron-clad men barged inside and thumped them. Medical equipment worth a few crores was also destroyed in the process.

The gang have been identified as followers of Shri. B. J. Sharma, a local strongman and president of the ruling nationalist party youth wing. At 48, Shri. B. J. Sharma is the youngest president of the youth wing and one of the biggest opponents of same-sex rights in the state. In pamphlets distributed by his supporters, Shri. B. J. Sharma is described as the ‘straightest man in all of the land’.

Earlier this year, he and his followers travelled to the capital and attacked an LGBTQ+ parade.

Dr. S. Kumar, who received 8 stitches on his face explained the commotion, “This is all very surprising. I had explained to Sharmaji Sir that a sixth colonoscopy in three months was not necessary.”

No sooner had New Horizons Clinic turned Shri B. J. Sharma away than Shri B. J. Sharma called his followers to the clinic and disturbed the peace.

Dr. S. Kumar added, “Sharmaji is in fine health but he keeps insisting on bi-monthly colonoscopies!”

Author: Boring Johnson

BJ is a nationally syndicated radio host. He likes ice-cream in the winters, video games with strong side characters and showering in the office.

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